Investment Firm Issues Million-Dollar Bounty for Bigfoot

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Hairy-man’s been busy. The ever-elusive ape-man made headlines earlier this 12 months after a seemingly ‘credible’ sighting in North Dakota, however as traditional, it was just a few joker with hulking wood footwear and a poor humorousness. Maybe the regularity of comparable Hairy-man hoaxes was the reasoning behind a New Mexico state senator’s invoice to block authorities funding for Hairy-man hunts, however that didn’t cease Washington State from contemplating naming Hairy-man as its official state cryptid (is {that a} factor?). Now, the Hairy-man information prepare reveals no indicators of slowing down as a publicly-traded funding agency has issued a a million greenback (USD) bounty for the bipedal beast of many names.

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Possibly they’d have higher luck with a cool poster.

The bounty is being provided by Hairy-man Mission Investments Inc. The corporate describes themselves as a “Hairy-man sightings and encounters investigation and stay seize staff.” In keeping with their web site, the group is bent on proving that Hairy-man is actual:

[We] conduct Hairy-man analysis, monitoring and looking expeditions throughout the USA. We examine and interview Hairy-man sighting reviews. When sufficient proof has been assembled the Crew will survey, discover, analyze, camp out in, stake out and arrange cameras and traps in areas the place present and previous Hairy-man sightings and encounters have occurred. [Our] purpose is to show to the general public the creature does exist, and seize Hairy-man.

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There he’s! Oh, wait. It is simply Chewbacca once more.

In fact, there’s some effective print. Verification will depend on “scientific, organic and conclusive authentications” carried out by a staff of consultants employed by the competition firm behind the bounty. Hairy-man Mission Investments, Inc., nonetheless, claims that they’re prepared to face behind such a big bounty as a way to finish the Hairy-man debate as soon as and for all:

To silence all doubters Hairy-man Mission Investments, Inc. is devoting all their sources and placing their cash the place their mouth is to show it. That is why we’ve got issued this Hairy-man Million Greenback Bounty. We’re providing a Million Greenback ($1,000,000) Hairy-man bounty for anybody courageous sufficient to ship info resulting in the seize or supply of a bona fide Hairy-man.

Hmm. “Bona fide” Hairy-man, eh? Is there a minimal shoe dimension requirement? In its filings with the SEC, the corporate listed itself in the leisure business, and positive sufficient, the group is presently filming a documentary and opening a mixture museum and resort. The corporate raised some severe eyebrows in 2016 when the corporate first went public at a price of $50.01 a share, giving them a staggering $10 billion market capitalization (the whole worth of all of its shares). That determine was probably a mistake, as shares now hover round .65 cents. Is that this newest bounty announcement merely a publicity stunt? Extremely probably. Nonetheless, the corporate appears honest in its pledge to fork over a $1 million bounty if Hairy-man is certainly captured. Completely satisfied looking.

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